MOIRA
Liam, what do you think is the best food suburb?

LIAM
I'm going to defend my home turf here and say North Melbourne.

MOIRA
I feel like many people would disagree with you but tell me more.

LIAM
I love North Melbourne because there's actually not that much here. We don't have a smorgasbord of options to sift through to find something good but what we do have is executed really well. There's, like, two wine bars that, to me, are two of the best in town (Boire and Whitebark). There's a really great African restaurant. There's an excellent bakery, Bread Club.

MOIRA
And Small Batch that makes the best baked goods ever. Udom House.

LIAM
Udom House does the best coffee in Melbourne hands down. And some of the best Thai food as well which is a rare combo, and we should all be thankful for it. There's a really good craft beer place. Great endless cheap, fast, yum eats like Cindy's, CC Wok, KL Bunga, Nizam’s for Chicken 65 at 3:00 in the morning. So epic. One thing that I like is that there's this lingering like, taxi driver community that eats in West Melbourne. That's why you've got Nizams open till late. That's why you've got Embassy Taxi Cafe. Which is such a spot. It's actually some of the worst food that money can buy, but the vibes are amazing, the only people sitting there are, like, visibly mobsters. 

MOIRA
Does West Melbourne have a good ice cream place?

LIAM
Nah. We've got an old-school shit one. Ice cream might perhaps be North Melbourne’s only downfall. What do you think is the best food suburb?

MOIRA
Now that I'm back in Brunswick after doing a short stint in Carlton, I think I'm going to have to say Brunswick.

LIAM
I'm a lifelong Brunswick hater. But I actually find that a really hard position to defend because I dislike Brunswick for some very intangible reason. When you look at it objectively, there is heaps of good eating to be had in Brunswick, but it somehow doesn't exist in my mind as a food destination.

MOIRA
I would say that nowhere in Brunswick is a 9 or 10 out of 10. But everywhere is a 7, and the sheer breadth of what you can get in Brunswick makes it the best one for me.

LIAM
I think it's very telling that, in response to the question, ‘What's the best food suburb,’ we both answered with the one that we live in. And it would be interesting to know how many people also would answer in that pattern. If you live in Footscray, I reckon there's a pretty hot chance that you'll say Footscray is the best food suburb. And I reckon that would be a very valid take. They also probably know about the places that we don't know about, you know?

MOIRA
I mean, I lived in Carlton, albeit for not very long, but IMO Lygon Street is a terrible village with a godawful Woolies. Sydney Road's got the duopoly in Barkly Square, Mediterranean Grocer, Joya Foods, Medina, Basfoods, and the best IGA in Australia.

LIAM
You reckon the best IGA?

MOIRA
I don't know anywhere else that's selling that many hot sauces and chips varieties. That Italian sparkling water, Strangelove sodas and a strangely epic Asian section given how small it is. They've got the good gluten free ramen noodles that I’ve only seen stocked at Hinoki! I need to speak to their buyer ASAP.

LIAM
Yeah, yeah, that's true.

MOIRA
Like, where the hell do you get a good loaf of bread in Carlton? Brunswick got good bread oot the arse, Oven Street, Iris, Wildlife – we're pretty spoiled for choices in that world. And you've got ample places where you can still get lunch for under $10.

LIAM
What are these under $10 places?

MOIRA
A1. Green Refractory. Any of the four sushi places in Barkly Square. Guzman and Gomez.

LIAM
Guzman is not a Brunswick place.

MOIRA
You're right, but I will say, of all the chains that could have opened on Sydney Road, I'm very glad that it was Guzman.

LIAM
It sort of makes sense.

MOIRA
And also, open till 3:00 a.m.

LIAM
I think it's a good suburb for eating if you live there, but I don't often feel compelled to travel to Brunswick to eat.

MOIRA
Yeah totally. Again, I rarely recommend anyone to go out of their way to go to Brunswick, but I personally hate leaving my suburb and I'm very happy with the range that's there. For example, Khao Thai is a perfect 7/10 neighbourhood Thai place. It's no Jinda Thai and the vibe is a bit random, but it's about access.

LIAM
Yeah. Everyone needs a slightly mid Thai restaurant where you pretty much only ever get takeaway Pad See Ew. That's kind of crucial to a neighbourhood.

MOIRA
I will say their chicken ribs are a 10.

LIAM
True. I would never suggest that someone should travel to Nizam's for their Chicken 65, but I personally am so glad that I can get it at 2:00 a.m. There's a lot of those places that are very much just for the people that live in that neighbourhood and should never be travelled to.

MOIRA
Yeah. I love that I can go to Balha's for a sweetie treatie at 10pm. But God, why is there no good wine bar in Brunswick?

LIAM
Is there not?

MOIRA
I don't know where I'd go for a glass of wine. I'd have a cocktail and a beer at Bar Spontana. I'd drink a beer at Flippy's.

LIAM
Maybe Miss Moses?

MOIRA
Mid wine selection, and I don't know if Sydney Road is the vibiest place for a roadside table. With Brunswick wine bars, you don't get the trifecta of a place that has a good wine, a good vibe and is affordable. I see your POV for these sorts of smaller, 'elbow' suburbs, if you will. While they don't have much range, they do have that one special spot. North Melbourne has Manzé. Fitzroy North has Public Wine Shop. Carlton North has Sleepy's or Florian. Like, just one place that just makes it. Or maybe I think that because it’s what Brunswick doesn't have.

LIAM
Fitzroy North feels almost like what I like about North Melbourne a little bit. There's a good supermarket, there's a good bakery, Loafer, Standing Room.

MOIRA
Elmo is apparently a good burger.

LIAM
And Kensington has Arnold's. I almost feel we’re talking about two sides of the same coin, though, you know? Arnold's probably wouldn't be as wonderful as it is if it was in Fitzroy.

MOIRA
Could Arnold's even exist in Fitzroy?

LIAM
I think part of the draw of Arnold's is that you're in leafy, suburban, sleepy Kensington where nothing happens, and then suddenly you're like, "Oh, there's a really cool wine bar here."

MOIRA
Also, Fitzroy and Carlton and all the inner-city suburbs must be extortionate for rent. You kind of can't afford to be a small business owner or some passionate guy and open a place in Fitzroy.

LIAM
Yeah. It's interesting. I feel like maybe part of what keeps the bar high in these less sorts of ‘trendy’ neighbourhoods is the fact that, Locky, who owns Benchwarmer, lives just up the road. Nagesh, who owns Manzé, lives just up the road. They’re locals. No one's opening in North or West Melbourne because it's a strategic way to make money. They're opening up there because that's their hood, and they want to do something good. So you get this degree of integrity that raises the bar for everyone. 

MOIRA
I think that's really true. The whole, knowing who you're buying your food from.  The good Brunswick places like A1 and Meds carry these histories of migration that birthed them. The places that have opened up in the 5 years that have, I guess, gentrified Brunswick, like Shop Ramen, Good Days and Fluffy Torpedo, they're not necessarily opened by these people who are passionate about Brunswick, but they're sensible second locations for a tried-and-true model.

LIAM
I mean, you can't hate them. They're really good.

MOIRA
I hate Fluffy Torpedo.

LIAM
I also hate Fluffy Torpedo, but I meant you can’t hate Shop Ramen.

MOIRA
Yeah, my favourite cold noodle in Melbourne. But these become so inaccessible on weekends. The line for Walrus on a weekend morning is so dumb.

LIAM
The line that you stand in, just to get the world’s most overpriced toast and eggs. 

MOIRA
On weekends, trying to find somewhere to fit and linger in without waiting in a line is so hard in these bigger suburbs. Especially with the influx of apartments like Nightingale etc. I don't think anyone in Brunswick knows my coffee order. I mean, Brunswick is huge. 

LIAM
I feel like that's the issue. It's massive. There's something that feels a bit linked here about transient suburbs that people move through a lot, like Brunswick, versus kind of neighbourhood suburbs where you don't get a lot of blow-ins. I suppose Manzé is an exception to that, people do travel for Manzé, but I would say most of the places in my neighbourhood are mostly patronised by regulars who live within a couple of blocks, and that just inherently creates a cosy feeling, one that I love, and maybe that’s why I’m voting North Melb. 

MOIRA
There's something about scarcity and range that are almost opposite sides of the spectrum. As in either one is viable, but good food suburbs must have either scarcity or range to make them good.

LIAM
Yeah. I guess it's, like, Fitzroy feels like a good food suburb because there's a million good places to eat. Whereas your Yarraville and your North Melbourne feel like good food suburbs because you've just got a handful of high-quality options.

MOIRA
I don't know if it would ever happen, but do you think Shop Ramen would pop off in Footscray?

LIAM
It's a good question. This is based on just a hunch but I sort of feel like the people in our network who live in Footscray, part of the reason they want to live in Footscray is to sort of get away from the Shop Ramen of it all. You know what I mean? I feel like they would rather live away from the Shop Ramen and travel to it for a meal rather than live amongst the Shop Ramen and travel to Footscray for a meal.

MOIRA
A lot of those heavy diaspora suburbs like Springvale, Sunshine, Richmond, Boxhill, in my opinion, have far higher quality of food than either Brunswick or North Melbourne.

LIAM
Is Footscray a good food suburb, or is it just a great suburb to go eat Vietnamese and, Uyghur Chinese? You know?

MOIRA
You know what? That's actually true.

LIAM
Like, if I was living in Footscray, I would probably find it pretty annoying being cut off from, you know, Grill'd.

MOIRA
I mean, it's definitely a good food suburb.

LIAM
It just wouldn't be my number one pick because I feel like there's too many blind spots.

MOIRA
This is true. If location didn't actually matter, if Footscray was in the same place as North Melbourne. Which spots would you choose to have? 

LIAM
God, that's so hard.

MOIRA
Is range more important to you?

LIAM
Nah, I'm locking in that my definition of a good food suburb is more aligned with the North Melbourne vibe. One 10/10 Thai café. One 10/10 Mauritian restaurant. There's just one of everything, it’s all excellent. That's a perfect food suburb to me.

MOIRA
I think I would still rather have everything be a 6 out of 10 and have more of it.

LIAM
That's crazy, I assumed we would have been aligned in this. I love going on a journey for food. I love going to Armadale to go to Ipoh Parade for the best laksa in Melbourne. I think that's really fun. I love going to the weird part of Richmond that I hate just to go to Ca Com. I don’t really need that many options to be at my doorstep, just good ones. 

MOIRA
No, I do love going on a journey for food! I just hate leaving my suburb more than I have to. But that's also because my suburb is Brunswick and PT sucks.

LIAM
I kind of think that's what keeps them good. It's like they're focused on servicing their community. If everyone that lived in Fitzroy was going to Footscray all the time for food. I feel like that would erode the quality of what's on offer there over time.

MOIRA
Well yeah, I mean Fitzroy as the prime example of a place that many, many people go to for food and the endless number of shit new opens.

LIAM
What are the new opens in Fitzroy that you reckon are bad offenders?

MOIRA
This is now a long time ago, but Solo Pasta that sells you pasta by the metre.

LIAM
Yeah. There's definitely some gimmicks that open in Fitzroy and Collingwood that I feel like wouldn't open in Brunswick. The optical illusion cafe Blk & Whyt that was on Smith St? Crazy. 

MOIRA
Like surely no one's passionate about making a venue look like a cartoon outline.

LIAM
Yeah. The fact that there's pasta by the meter, optical illusion cafés, and that ice bar that existed for a bit… they are places that are opening for tourists and for people that have Googled, like, "cool streets in Melbourne".

MOIRA
There's something about not really having to leave the suburbs to get something you want. Or maybe at the compromise of the quality of not being so good. If you could engineer the actual best food suburb in Melbourne, where would you put it and what would be in it?

LIAM
Okay let’s go. I’m putting Udom House there for coffee and Thai brekky, but I’m also putting The Galleon there because sometimes you just need a frothy cappuccino and a Big Breakfast for under 20 bucks. For lunch spots, I think I want a good deli where I can get a Conti roll, and I want a good banh mi place. For dinners, I obviously want Pho Thin, I want Kitchen 55 (Persian restaurant in Templestowe), and Pinto Thai for their tom yum. Obviously we need a pub, I reckon I’m gonna pick the MoL or the Napier. For the wine bar, I’d run with something with a nice list but also very low key – Amarillo, or maybe Bar Holiday. It can’t be TOO good, I think that’s the beauty of a local spot. Needs a bit of stank on it. 

MOIRA
Aight, I’m also going to steal Udom House because of all of their non-caffeinated drinks, and I’m also going to put in Brunetti’s because I want a cafe that’s gonna be open till 11pm. I’d put Nhu Lan in, but also have Good Days so the lunch time rush line can be split into the two categories of people that eat banh mi for lunch. I’d put iSpicy from Hawthorn in as my Thai place because their pad khana moo grob is unreal, and I’d put Superbowl as my Viet place for their bun bo hue. I’d simply have to have Pacific House for Cantonese. I want Flippy’s as a bar, and the Railway so there’s massive spot for homies to go. And for a wine bar I’d have Boire and Grana, because I want somewhere where I need somewhere where I can eat non-european wine bar snacks and place where I can buy bougee bots to BYO. I’d still run every single grocer that’s on Sydney Road, but also throw in a Minh Phat, and have Oven Street because it’s a perfect bakery.