I once left my number for one of the waiters at Jim's Greek Tavern. It’s the only time I’ve ever given it to someone who has served me at a restaurant, bar, cafe etc. It was my birthday, he was cute so I left a witty note and my number. He messaged me at 1am telling me to come meet him and his girlfriend. I was 22, years away from my first threesome and so shocked that my actions had consequences I threw my phone across the room. 

‍

This instance came back to me the other day while having a particularly lovely little flirt with someone at a bar. Having now worked some years in hospitality myself, I didn’t dare leave my number. This was mostly out of fear of embarrassment but also because I just was not sure if it was actually ok to do so. In an attempt to create some clarity I conducted some rigorous research (drunk conversations with colleagues). The data I received was a plethora of nuance and personal opinion with two clear rules everyone could agree on:

Rule no. 1

Never verbally ask someone out or directly give them your number, it’s    really awkward. Even if they do like you back they have 10 other things in their head that will make the conversation distracted and awkward. Simply leave a note on the table.

Rule no. 2

Don’t do it at your local, unless you are willing to lose it forever. 

‍

There is so much at play in the customer and front of house (FOH) dynamic and that is because hospitality is personal. You must remember that when you enter a venue and take your place, you are sitting at their table. You must behave as if the staff have invited you into their home, because they have. But not in a “we’ve just had three martini’s and I’ve asked you back to my place” kind of way. More of a: you are a random plus one to dinner at their house kind of way. Behave accordingly.

‍

The beauty of hospitality and dining out is that, when done well, it is one the best interactive live theatre performances you will ever see or be a part of. There is nothing quite like watching skilled hospitality staff weave their way around a restaurant holding grace, elegance and care in equal check with urgency and the threat of collapse. I will always revere the server who can fluff and fuck (to put it crudely) a customer into switching tables and have them coming out feeling like the Queen of Sheeba. 

‍

Hospitality is also one of the great acts of intuitive care. This, I believe, is the main reason people fall for FOH staff. Indeed, if you think there may be a vibe with you and a staff member, it is probably just because they have done their job well. You are all playing a role and theirs is to make you feel seen and attended to, yours is to be a good guest. Not to mention that we live in a world that is making it easier and easier for us to disconnect and so the attention of a good FOH person creates a sense of relief and is in such contrast to this that the connection can be easily misinterpreted. 

‍

These qualifications aside, there are times when love is, indeed, in the air. So what do you do? As the rules above state, if you are so overcome and think you may have found some mutual affection to go with your wine you may leave your number. But before you do, ask yourself, is the potential of one night with them worth losing the restaurant, bar, pub over? Remember rule 2, because it absolutely will never be the same again. Even if they don’t remember you, you will. If you’re not convinced, watch season 8 episode 4 of Curb Your Enthusiasm.

‍

I haven’t spotted Dimmi at Jim’s Greek Tavern again. Too scared to bump into him I waited a whole year before I went back. When I finally did he wasn’t there, that or I was too drunk and he was too busy for either of us to remember what we look like. I got away with a light sentence of one year and have thankfully been able to keep one of Melbourne’s best BYO’s on rotation.